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Thread: I Don't Think I'm So Great...

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    Queso's Avatar
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    Default I Don't Think I'm So Great...

    ...at the psychological aspect of the game... which is, without question, the most important part.

    There are reasons. You'd think someone who was basically untrusting of people in general would have no problem breaking down opponent's motivations in poker.

    Why do I play? Just because I enjoy the game? I wish I could say that was true. Of course I enjoy the game. When it doesn't frustrate the hell out of me. There's some part of me that just keeps on believing that I can become good enough to make a living at this. Of course that's foolish. So few people can. It's certainly not the first or only fool's quest that I've been on.

    If I could look into the future... and somehow know, at the end of it all, did I make or lose money--- would I keep playing if the answer was, "no, you lost money"? I don't think I'd keep playing. And that has to be wrong. What about the pure love of the game?

    I don't know. Maybe I'm just PMS'ing. Maybe it was the gloom-and-doom dream I woke up from this morning. Hell, I cash in a tournament Monday night, and today I feel like I should just give the whole thing up.

    It's not about strategy, either. I honestly think I could gain a world class understanding eventually. It's the psychological aspect. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever master that. And it's the most important part.

    Anyway, whatever. Bring on the ham sandwiches.

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    TIME's Avatar
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    "Dost not see? A monstrous giant of infamous repute whom I intend to encounter."

    Dude ... poker is your windmill! To dream the impossible dream! Give up???? To give up you might as well just curl up into a fetal position and moan! The fight, the challenge, the buzz is what it is all about. You shall now become Don Queso to me!
    To the true gambler, money is never an end in itself, but simply a tool; as language is to thought.

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    Oh and again with the ham sandwiches! Drink some mead.
    To the true gambler, money is never an end in itself, but simply a tool; as language is to thought.

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    Your probably just having a down day! Chin up! Maybe you just need a short break from it to clear your head!

    Also if you think YOUR dream was bad, I had a dream last night that I was on a forest expedition with some friends and David Attenborough was narrating from a nearby hedge, when suddenly a Bear-boon bounded out of the forest and killed my friends. It then kidnapped me and took me to its liar where it tried to force feed me its favorite food. Live tarantulas.

    In case your wondering, a bear-boon is a bear with a baboons face and hands. Something my subconcious mind seems to have conjured up to traumatise me last night.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Queso View Post
    If I could look into the future... and somehow know, at the end of it all, did I make or lose money--- would I keep playing if the answer was, "no, you lost money"? I don't think I'd keep playing. And that has to be wrong. What about the pure love of the game?
    I don't think any of us would play if we knew in advance that we were going to lose money. I think one of the biggest draws of poker is the gamble, the risk and the uncertainty of it. This is the reason that playing poker for play money is just not fun...there is no gamble or risk so the uncertainty of it is moot. If you know in advance that you absolutely will win a boatload of money playing poker then you are not playing poker for the love of the game you are playing it for the money. To me the love of the game is the love of the gamble and risk in the context of a card game requiring discipline and skill.

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    Well said, Jalopy.

    In addition it is an excellent tool to work on psychological issues ... self imposed patience, ability to remain stoic, controlling anger et el.
    To the true gambler, money is never an end in itself, but simply a tool; as language is to thought.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TIME View Post
    Well said, Jalopy.
    +1.

    Queso - you've had some great results lately, so chin up!

    Quote Originally Posted by Wildcard View Post
    Also if you think YOUR dream was bad, I had a dream last night that I was on a forest expedition with some friends and David Attenborough was narrating from a nearby hedge, when suddenly a Bear-boon bounded out of the forest and killed my friends. It then kidnapped me and took me to its liar where it tried to force feed me its favorite food. Live tarantulas.

    In case your wondering, a bear-boon is a bear with a baboons face and hands. Something my subconcious mind seems to have conjured up to traumatise me last night.
    That's just too funny. Genuine LOL!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wildcard View Post
    Also if you think YOUR dream was bad, I had a dream last night that I was on a forest expedition with some friends and David Attenborough was narrating from a nearby hedge, when suddenly a Bear-boon bounded out of the forest and killed my friends. It then kidnapped me and took me to its liar where it tried to force feed me its favorite food. Live tarantulas.

    In case your wondering, a bear-boon is a bear with a baboons face and hands. Something my subconcious mind seems to have conjured up to traumatise me last night.
    That is the most frightening dream I've ever heard. lol!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tim View Post

    Queso - you've had some great results lately, so chin up!
    Yeah, see, that's the thing. At the risk of peeling back my cranium (and thus revealing things far more frightening than Wildcard's dream)--

    On the one hand, yes, the results themselves (live tournament results), taken together without individual examination, are excellent, far more than I could hope for:

    51 tournaments played

    Total Cashed: 11 (ITM 21.6%)
    Total Not Cashed: 40
    Total Entry Costs: $2,975.00
    Total Won: $7,479.00
    Total Profit: $4,504.00
    Avg Profit Per Tourney: $88.31
    Avg Profit Per Hour: $45.00
    ROI: 151%

    I'm troubled, however, when I look at the results in isolation: $4200 of that $4504 profit came from that one freeroll I cashed in March. So, taking that one isolated result as somewhat of a lucky fluke, if I remove it from the field and look at the figures otherwise, I only have a profit of $304 over a span of 50 tournaments played.

    That, boys, is hardly going to get it done.

    I've come close lots of times (bubbling tournaments, etc). I'm growing as a player. I've certainly come a long way in my own personal journey. I'm trying not to be results-oriented. But the fact remains, there are players who consistently drill through these events and consistently cash. What are they doing, that I'm not doing? What do they know, that I don't know? I'm sorry, but I'm not playing just for fun, just to pass a Saturday afternoon. I've got to get it figured out. And I will.

    Maybe I'm not so far off from where I want to be anyway. I certainly haven't played enough to offset variance (from any measurable standpoint).

    And DM was right, in large part-- "changing my swing", as it were, and diving headlong into the "Kill Phil" strategy system, was going to be challenging and was likely to result in some uproar before settling down. I know I'm experiencing that-- since crushing that Monday night tournament a few weeks ago, I busted 11 straight until I cashed again this past Monday.

    And I do think another part of the problem is, that I'm also trying to solve cash games at the same time. It galls me to think I should have to give up one or the other. But clarifying my focus (and thus the results as well), might just be as practical a matter as that.

    Anyway, thanks, guys, for the encouragement.
    Last edited by Queso; Jul 30th, 2011 at 01:06 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jalopy View Post
    I don't think any of us would play if we knew in advance that we were going to lose money.
    This is actually perfectly fine if it's played as a hobby, as a diversionary interest. What hobby doesn't cost money? I probably should have said "if I could look into the future, and see that I was never able to achieve my goal of making a living."

    Which disturbs me. Shouldn't I just be playing because I love the game, and results be damned? Even if it costs me money long term? I read somewhere that over 95% of poker players lose money playing the game. What I'm saying is, maybe my dream of playing poker for a living can never happen until I give up that dream-- until I stop trying to achieve it. Until I'm just playing with passion, purely for the love of the game.

    It's a shift inside of myself that I'm talking about. I know I'm not making it clear. I'm not sure I can make it clear. But talking about it helps. So thanks.

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